"They could see there was a calm in the eye of the storm. Now we're kind of feeling out, trying to get our lives back together and I think we're doing a good job, but we still have our moments."

Rick said now they talk about the hard things. It's not easy but even if they don't come to a solution they feel better. The best thing, said Rick, what's happening to him internally.

"I'm not making the extra effort to be someone I'm not. For once in my life I'm being who I am. I'm in touch with who I am. I like who I am and I don't need to run off to my friends and have their approval," he said. "I feel comfortable with myself, being at home and that's why I'm not running away anymore."

Rick recently asked his son what he saw that was different in his dad. David replied that when his father says they'll do something it actually happens, it's not just an empty promise.

In a calmer home, David is calmer. There’s a caring between all of them that wasn’t there before.

Rick and Anita married when they were 20 and 21 years old, and have literally grown up together. In his immaturity Rick wanted the approval of his friends. Anita was giving him reality.

"What's so funny now is that I don't have time for my friends. Once in awhile I find time for a visit, but I'm just too busy with my family. It was right in front of my face and I didn't see it," Rick said.

"Anyone out there gambling I want to say the first step is the hard one. Life is good. It really can be good."

Emotional, he looks at Anita. "I actually care what you think." I remember saying one day to my group "Boy Anita is an intelligent lady. She really has some interesting things to say." They now find being at home is 'like heaven' and want to keep it that way.

"We've created something beautiful with the help of Problem Gambling Services and a lot of hard work," said Anita. "There's no way we could repay what we've learned and what we got from there, and if we can touch someone out there with a problem, it's all worth it."

Printed with persmission

The Ante-Up group has been operational for approximately 2 years. It's original intent was to offer problem gamblers a pre-treatment support group. Pre-treatment support would undoubtedly prepare the problem gamblers for eventual entry into their 12-week treatment groups. Perhaps this support group, however unstructured and humble would comfort and motivate problem gamblers to move onto their next stage of change.

As I recall, soon after the conception and implementation of the Ante-Up group, a daring proposal was brought forth. Why not broaden the scope of the support/discussion group by allowing family members to attend. This would address an existing service gap by providing weekly group support for loved ones.

"What? You mean family and friends in the same room as our gamblers! Are you burned out? Family members are much too fragile and vulnerable, and besides, the gamblers are much too ashamed!" The concept was met with some natural resistance but as with many progressive ideas (I duly note my bias), patience paid off. Angry and mistrusting family members and gamblers expressing compassion for one another. The dynamic is amazing.

Ante-Up became and continues to be a community discussion group for those affected by problem gambling and is made up of some of the greatest people I've ever met. Members describe the group as one that promotes open and non-judgmental talk…people understanding people. I see it happen week after week.

Louise Barrière, R.S.W.,CPGC
Counsellor